Loss of Interest in Sex

About a loss of interest in sex

A loss of interest in sex, or low libido, will affect approximately 20% of couples at least once in their lifetime. Although there are many reasons for this occurring, most experts agree that the hectic pace of modern life is a primary reason for this reduction in libido. Anyone who has ever suffered from stress & anxiety, or even just simple money worries, can relate to this loss of interest in sex, even for a short period. The problem affects men and women equally, although it is often considered (by males) as a predominantly female problem.

During the fiery, passionate, early stages of a relationship it can seem as though we cannot get enough sex, the urge hitting (and being satisfied) frequently.

Loss of Interest in Sex: What Therapies Can Help?

What can cause a loss of interest in sex?

This may sound harsh, but it is necessary to face the truth. As relationships develop, so too do people … and not always for the better. Stress can lead to bad habits, weight gain, changes in physical appearance and behaviour for both men and women, all of which reduce the biological urges to have sex. The effects of pregnancy, and the introduction of a child into the relationship, can also have a detrimental impact on libido, all of which is perfectly natural … but not always understood by those suffering from it. Many of the issues that lead to a loss of interest in sex can be overcome simply by having those difficult conversations with your partner that will result in behavioural changes.

There are other problems which have been clearly identified as having an impact on our levels of interest in sexual activity, the most common of which are listed below:

• Erectile Dysfunction - When this problem strikes, men can often misconceive the cause as a 'relationship problem' and that it is a symptom of a loss of interest in sex, rather than the thing that may actually be producing it. From the partners perspective, if the ED problem remains hidden, the partner may perceive that the man has lost interest in sex, perhaps because they don't find them as attractive any more, or because there must be other problems in their relationship. Both parties CREATE a problem in their minds that probably doesn't exist.
• Relationship Problems - If there are genuine underlying issues in the relationship that remain unspoken, or have not been dealt with, this can have a negative impact on your libido also. Small things, like a drop in a partners level of personal hygiene, or feelings that one partner is lazy can be enough to change either partners interest in sex. Improved communication in the relationship can solve these problems fairly easily, assuming there is a willingness on both parties to act upon the issues raised. Equally, improving self confidence (perhaps through Clinical Hypnosis) may aid the process.
• Stress - When day-to-day stresses begin to pile up, and no relief is found (and sex is a GREAT stress relief 'therapy'), the mind begins to ruminate over these problems and there is less and less space left for thoughts of passion and sex. Our Hypnosis Stress Management programmes are excellent for providing and maintaining stress relief.
• Low Self-Esteem - If you have developed a low opinion of yourself, and don't see yourself as valuable, you will find it difficult to believe (or even consider) that someone could find you sexually attractive! If you think this, you will start to believe it, and your mind will make it happen … it will cool down your libido!
• Depression - Depression disorders often trigger us into a type of 'survival' mode, pushing sexual desire to the farthest reaches of your mind as being non-essential to survival.
• Alcohol Abuse - 'Dutch courage' may give the confidence to approach and engage with the opposite sex by lowering your barriers, but alcohol creates notable physical changes because of it's impact on testosterone production. Physiologically, your libido is testosterone dependent. Alcohol reduces testosterone levels in men but increases it in women … making the females desire for sex stronger … which can make the psychological impact of failure to perform (Erectile Dysfunction) even greater for the man!
• Drug Abuse - With severe drug dependency comes a change in personality focus. A person's thoughts will remain focused on their 'need' for the drug, creating an increasing craving for it until such needs are satisfied. When these behaviours are prevalent, most thoughts outside of the 'need' for a fix will be sidelined and the interest in sexual activity decreases.

It is useful to note that loss of interest in sex is one of the known side effects of anti-depressants and many other prescriptions drugs. If you believe this to be the case, we advise that you check your medication with your GP or Pharmacist.

Therapy for Loss of Interest in Sex

This is a complex issue, with physiological and psychological problems both impacting to varying degrees. Therapy is therefore best considered in light of the severity of the symptoms. Once a person has determined that there is no physiological cause, or side effect of medication, then we look at psychological interventions.

Female Loss of Libido: A Short Video

Male Loss of Libido: A Short Video

As normal relationships mature, these passionate feelings of desire have a natural tendency to mellow. Couples who are not aware of this fact, and there are many, often find themselves thinking that something is wrong in their relationship, or that a partner has stopped loving them. Once these thoughts creep into your mind, they take root there and can grow into a problem.

This may not be relevant to you, but experience shows that couples often find passion rekindled when they go on holiday, only for it to subside once again on their return home. This is fairly common, and serves to emphasise that there is a close link between the levels of stress and anxiety that we endure on a daily basis and our interest in sexual activity. Most people are less stressed when on holiday, so at this point the urges return.

The important thing to note here is that by managing stress, we can support our libido and, generally, improve our sex lives.

You can read more about Loss of Sex Drive on NHS Choices.

Hypnotherapy for Loss of Interest in Sex

Clinical Hypnosis techniques can help in developing improved self image, reducing stress, increasing sexual confidence and can even support overcoming Erectile Dysfunction.

Psychotherapy for Loss of Interest in Sex

Analytical Hypnotherapy, and indeed Cognitive Processing and Integration (CPI) therapy, can help to treat deeper rooted psychological problems where inappropriate thought processes have become embedded, perhaps from powerfully negative experiences in a person's sexual history.