"Social Anxiety" is a form of 'phobia' where a person can become overly obsessed by, and fearful of, the opinion of others. Sexual Performance Anxiety is a very similar issue, but specifically focussed on how others may view our capability as a lover.
A person suffering from this problem can place intense pressure on themselves to perform, ultimately creating poorer performance because of the mental tension caused by the fear and also through The Law of Reversed Effect which, basically, means that you CREATE that which you are so focussed on avoiding… simply by focussing on it.
Sexual Performance Anxiety: What Therapies Can Help?
What can cause me to experience Sexual Performance Anxiety?
There can be many factors that can result in these feelings, the most common of which are:
Early Character Development: During our formative years of youth, the quality of the nurturing environment in which we grow, and the experiences we model ourselves upon, can impact on our adult behaviour. Young boys growing up in an excessively 'macho' environment can lead to young men worrying about how good they have to be in this respect.
Early Negative Sexual Experiences: It's rare that the first few sexual experiences are anything close to perfect… but some people will have such a negative experience that it can lead to unconscious overcompensation and the development of anxiety about sexual performance.
Could my Sexual Performance Anxiety actually be Social Anxiety?
Although Sexual Performance Anxiety is very specific to issues surrounding the sex act, if you are able to answer "YES" to more than a few of the following questions then it is likely that you do have some level of Social Anxiety (Social Phobia) which could contribute to, or exacerbate, your sexual performance anxiety:
I feel anxious and 'on the spot' around authority figures
I sometimes blush or stutter when talking to people
I avoid being the centre of attention
Making a fool of myself, or people laughing at me, are amongst my worst fears
Parties and social events intimidate me and I will often avoid them
Hypnotherapy & Psychotherapy for Sexual Performance Anxiety
In the vast majority of instances, Sexual Performance Anxiety can be treated using a combination of hypnotherapy and psychotherapy techniques. In fact, either Analytical Hypnotherapy or Cognitive Processing and Integration (CPI) therapy can be of benefit in answering the question of cause and reconsidering the underlying thought processes that have led to the anxiety reaction. These tools can also be combined with Suggestion Therapy to help relax and prepare the mind better for future sexual adventures, all of which can ease the multitude of factors that can contribute to the problem. In similar fashion, suggestion therapy can also be used to bolster self-esteem, and creative visualisation techniques can help you to 'see' your future sexual performance in a positive way.
The slightest problem arising during the sexual act, be it a noise from a partner, a perceived 'error' in action, etc. can be blown out of all proportion due to the vulnerability experienced by the individual during these moments. As the problem develops, sufferers of sexual performance anxiety will often find themselves stuck in a negative spiral of anxiety, leading to a loss of interest in sex, constant feelings of inadequacy which can spread to other aspects of life, and low self-esteem.
Sexual Performance Anxiety: A Short Video
I hate the feeling of being criticised, so I work really hard at being good and getting things right
I find it hard to look people in the eye whilst talking to them
I often feel panicky when around people
I find meeting new people hard
I always get nervous before any sort of test
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All conditions that we can treat with hypnotic techniques require two critical elements for success: your desire to make the change, and your maximum effort. If you have these, nothing can stop you!
The material included herein is intended to complement, not replace, the advice of your own physician, psychotherapist, or other healthcare professional, whom you should always consult about your circumstances before starting or stopping any medication or any other course of treatment, exercise regimen, or diet.
“… you’ve made me a man again! I can’t thank you enough, and neither can Mrs ******! I wasn’t able to perform [sexually], and have had it like that for years. Going back and finding out why this happened meant that I could deal with it. My only issue is that the sessions aren’t long enough. I felt so good that I didn’t want to come out [of hypnosis]”
“I don’t know how to write this, so bear with me. For years, … I’ve pretended to orgasm so often that … I didn’t think it was even possible. You blew that idea out of my head alright. When I think about it it feels weird. I go to ‘sleep’ and wake up able to have shuddering orgasms but I feel so good about it that I just disregard my own surprise. I will certainly be recommending you.”
“Colin, we’re just back from holiday … I did the self hypnosis trick you showed me and imagined the flight as I wanted to experience it. It was great to be part of the trip this time … I must admit that I felt a little anxious in preparation for the holiday, but stuck with your ‘homework’ and it paid off big time. Thanks, buddy, for all your help.”
“I’ve tried the patches, tried the gum, and it didn’t make a blind bit of difference. I was stunned by what you were telling me in our session, couldn’t believe it, but you took the time to explain it and it really hit home. I AM A NON SMOKER … and I love it. Thank you so much. Can you please tell me why is this not available on the NHS?”
Caroline, East Calder
“Thank you, Colin, for giving me back my self confidence. You know what it’s like and you gave me the encouragement to lose my weight. This time, the weight is falling off me!I’ve lost almost two stones already … I feel in control again.”